We need need them, we want them, we demand they be sensible and also meet our own personal aesthetic standards. I’m referring, of course, to doggie waste bags and dispenser. Your next trip to the dog park will be extra elegant with these fabulous fecal accessories.
Well, you could clip this barrel baggie holder on your dogs leash, but that would be boring. Attach it under his collar because you know want your dog to look like one of those Saint Bernard’s chugging a tiny barrel of whiskey to some dude trapped under an avalanche. Another idea: Forget the bags and put whiskey in it. Yes, it’ll probably drip out. But that’ll just give you another reason to drink during your walk.
Never mind that the name sounds like some (or every show) on the Cartoon Network. The name is literal: these babies go down the toilet, man. (The poop bags, not the puppies). Pull the knobby thing on the porcelain throne and say goodbye. The waste bags are made from Polyvinyl Alcohol (PVA) – a water soluble, eco-friendly, “green” alternative to plastic. Sounds efficient, doesn’t it? Might be more useful for those indoor canine surprise poop deliveries, though. I can’t really picture anyone carrying poop all the way home just to flush it down the drain.
3. Shit Happens
If you’re a canine lover then you know the old adage is true: shit happens. If you’re a dog, it happens at least twice a day. These bags are tagged with a variety of expressions to fit your every whimsical mood. I like a dog waste bag that makes a statement– one that tells the world who you are, and what you stand for, like a tattoo only cheaper, biodegradable, and disposable. And warm to the touch.
4. Mutt Mitts
These are shaped like oven mitts because, let’s face it, sometimes grappling with dog waste requires the use of our God given opposable thumbs. If dogs had them, they’d be picking up their own poop. But they don’t. So, the task is left to us. Now, however, our thumbs may be free to fully participate, rather than being sequestered inside the rest of the bag with those lowly other digits. Also: They’re built to be biodegrade. Thumbs up to that.
5. Poopy Packs
Argyle always makes me feel a wee bit Scottish. I love me a nice pair of woolen argyle socks and argyle dog poop bags too. Thank you Poopy Packs for making the world understand that plaid, argyle and polka dots should be swathing everyone and everything. Including shit. Especially shit.
Dog waste doesn’t have to be all about feces. No! Poop should also be about tuning into your creative side and expressing your spiritual
message. To that end, think of this bag dispenser as your blank canvas. Just get online (bet you’re already online!), design something with rainbows and unicorns or dogicorns, and print. Like above, you can put your dog’s face on the dispenser. Kind of like putting your face on your toilet paper roll. Please hold a moment –must go file a patent.
7. Poop Monster
See that? The bag’s sticking out and it looks like a funny face. Ha ha ha ha! Get it?! Um, I don’t. Still–C-U-T-E! Thank you, Etsy, for letting me know that somewhere, in some studio apartment, someone is devoting their lives to making hand-stitched fuzzy poop bags. I’m sure that person is desperately hoping to give us a moment of joy as we catch sight of the silly faces as we bend down to pick up our pup’s morning present. Made of very plush felt, these are poop bags that you’ll want to cuddle up next to on those chilly nights when the moon is full and you’re watching Marley and Me for the 100th time. So much nicer than snuggling with your old beau–a plastic bone-shaped poop bag dispenser. Let’s never speak of him again.
From the brain of MFA student Jose Fresneda,this design is an homage to the luxurious Louis Vuitton brand. It is made of chipboard, which makes it recyclable. Says Fresneda: “I wanted to do something not only functional but also some kind of a statement about our social responsibilities with the environment. Realizing that sometimes the most effective way of connecting with an audience is by creating some sort of fashion icon, I decided to create a luxury line of pooper scoopers.” Unfortunately, the Baxter Deluxe is not for sale. The dispenser was only a homework assignment gone terribly right, and LV has yet to get their act together and grab onto this sucker. Write your congressman or something. Bo Obama, are you reading this? Do something! Or should I say: doo something!
Made from animal friendly Faux python leather (Yay vegans! Yay cows! Yay non-dead snakes!) and offered in a variety of colors (including black, sand, and cognac), this bag dispenser looks more like a clutch fancy people take to the opera than the dog park. Or maybe, just maybe you take the BK Atelier bag dispenser AND the dog to the opera. Maybe that was their plan all along! Why are dogs kept out of opera! Discrimination? Let’s change this. We’ve overcome the gay marriage stigma… Is this the next frontier?
The Parachute Dog waste bag gives you what Pro-Lifers are against: choice, dammit! Pop it open and you’ve got the option to scoop up your dog’s daily business by hand. The old grab and go. But you don’t need your dog to poop in order to enjoy this purchase: you can also use it as a doggie water bowl.