10 indulgent dog gadgets

Do you ever think what you and your dog might do in the event of an emergency? An emergency like the zombie apocalypse?

Well, thanks to the Walking Dead, I’ve been planning my escape strategy for the zombie apocalypse quite a lot lately…. a lot. I honestly think I’d survive with the help of my pitbull. But we’ll need supplies! And I’m thinking way beyond plastic baggies and tennis balls.

In anticipation of the rapture or whatever, I did some digging and found the Holy Grail of pet survival gear:

The Pet Emergency Evacuation

Yep! It’s made from the same stuff they use make firefighter jackets. And you know that stuff is sturdy. It’s got crazy bat-dog compartments for emergency supplies and only costs $576. Me, I don’t have that kind of cash to spare, but if I did, boy, if I did, I’d get that and everything else in my top ten list of crazy dog gadgets. In case you were interested, here’s my list:

1. Cool Pooch Sport Bottle

For the dog and human who share everything…. everything except backwash, that is. Designed to keep your water supply seperate from his. The Sport bottle comes equipped with a straw for you and a cup for your pup for those dog-days of summer. Ok, I can afford this. I just ordered it through Amazon, I’ll let you know how it goes. $6.95 Cool Pooch

2. Bubbletastic Dog Bubble machine

Bubbles and bacon- have two words ever gone so perfectly together? So this bubble machine blows bacon-scented bubbles for your dog to chase and pop and eat. From the reviews I’ve read, though, some dogs go after the bubble machine itself. Go to the bacon source fellas. Go to the source. $25.95 Activedogtoys

 3. Hot Doll

The first sex toy manufactured for dogs. The Hot Doll is shaped to be grabbed easily by the dog’s paws like female hips….um…ok. Look, even dogs have needs. What are we? Puritans?! (seriously, when I was little, my Bichon Frise would hump my talking doll Cricket for hours… hours. It was funny as hell.) Anyhow, the Hot Doll scientist people say it’ll help your dog’s behavior by curbing his sexual appetite. Don’t know about that, but I think it’s hilarious this thing even exists. $207.22 Hot Doll For Dog

4. The Canine Shower Stall

There is nothing like a hot shower, friends! Seethe with jealousy as your dog’s coat is meticulously cleaned inside his own doggy shower complete with16 water-jet nozzles, a handheld showerhead, and vigorous streams of warm, oh so warm, water. And while he’s at his private spa, try scraping off the mildew of your shower walls, it’s getting scary in there. $1,250 Hammacher Schlemmer

5. Doggles

Protective eye gear for dogs! Why should you be the only one who gets to look cool? Doggles are here, man. They’re here and they’re gonna karate chop 100% of that UV light before it reaches your pups eyes. There’s an adjustable strap that keeps them fastened to your dogs head.Apparently, dogs in the military sport these to protect their eyes from dust and debris. I just want a photo of me and my pit with matching leather jackets, me with my ray bans, him with with his Doggles, the sunset at our backs. Yeah, that’s cool. $19.90 Doggles

6. Dogbrella

Every single time I walk my dog in the rain, he tries to cover his eyes with his paws, and every single time I think, wouldn’t it be neat if there was some kind of umbrella for dogs. Well, wouldn’t you know it, someone actually made the dern thing. It’s an inverted umbrella that hooks onto your dogs collar protecting him from rainfall and your home from the smell of wet dog. Looks like it’s only for small breed dogs up to 15 lbs, though. The wait continues. $29.95 Hammacher Schlemmer

7.Barkem’s

I saw these on the TV show Shark Tank recently. Designed for the traveling pet-parent. It’s a prepackaged meal (think Lunchables for dogs) complete with one nutritious serving of premium dog food, a bowl of water and a dog biscuit for desert in recyclable package. You know, when I travel, I usually just fill up a Ziplock bag with kibble and call it a day. No bells and whistles and gets the job done. But just like when I saw that informercial for Slushy Magic, I just gotta try this! $3.95-$5.95 Barkem’s

 8.Pup-Casso

A paint kit for dogs. Just lay out canvas, lather on the paints and cover with plastic. Fido stomps over the paint and creates a masterpiece without any paint paw prints on the carpet. I’d really like my dog to be the next Pupanardo Dogvinci or Ruffeal. Paint, damn you, paint! $19.99 Art-Casso

9.Kool Dogz Ice Treat Maker

It’s a giant popsicle for your dog. Now, this looks like the ultimate work-to-eat toy to keep your dog stimulated while you’re out and he’s home bored stiff. Fill up the Kool Dogz bucket with water add a kong, a ball, and dog biscuits. Freeze and enjoy a cooling beverage while that mutt licks his way to the center. $19.95 Kool Dogz

10. Green Roof Dog House

For the Eco-conscious hipster dog who has everything. Grow some plants and house a dog, I can see it. According to the green roof makers at Sustainable Pet, some of the benefits include insulation against temperature and sound, filtrtion of dust and particulate matter providing clean air, and a soothing effect on your dog due to its natural materials and plants. And it looks pretty, to boot. If my apartment got any light this might actually happen. $1000 – $1600 Sustainable Pet