I’m a dog trainer, but that doesn’t mean I’m the authority on all things dog. For instance, I know really almost nothing about breeding dogs or about reputable dog breeders. It’s a totally foreign world to me.
My dog came from the city shelter, which is packed with pitbulls and pitbull mixes (which is what my dog is). But I’ve met a few people who’ve purchased pitbulls, and I was curious to learn more. So, I took to the Internet.
There are so many unwanted pitbulls in the NYC shelters at all times, that I guess I didn’t realize how many were being bred on purpose and sold as pets. Indeed, they are. Of course, Michael Vick and his crew were breeding dogs for fighting. You’d think that breeders would try to be separating themselves from Vick — going in another direction and making their sites super pretty and accessible, right? Not exactly. What I found is a lot of pretty out there sites, all supposedly breeding them and selling dogs for non-fighting purposes–most of the sites have explicit warnings on them that their dogs cannot be used for illegal purposes.
When it comes to creating an online presence, a lot of these breeders are either tacky, absurd, or still living in a 1994 Prodigy window browser. Pitbull breeders take ridiculous up a couple of decibels. Now, I’m not implying ridiculous is bad, it’s just… well… just take a look for yourselves.
Shockerline Kennels, which is located in Michigan, promises you and me the most XXL American Pitbull Terriers known to man. Plus, you can just walk into their dark, scary castle populated by the ghost of pitbulls past.
A sample of their offerings:
The folks at Mugleston Pitbull Farm in Oklahoma are all about hanging out after dark in a cemetery with their blonde kids and their pits. Hey, don’t knock it until you try it. Honestly, any little girl that says “Screw Barbie! I want an American Pitbull Terrier for Christmas,” can share my lifeboat at the end of the world.
Did you ever get dressed up as a harlot or an outlaw in one of those Wild West photo booths so common in theme parks? Well, in Texas it seems that kind of thing is popular in the pitbull community. At least, for those produced by Texas Big Bullies. Just check out the likes of Bully the Kid, Dog Holliday, and Wild Pit Hickok.
4. Mr. Pitbull
So Mr. Pitbull isn’t exactly a breeder. He’s more, like, Dr. Oz to the pitbull breeders world. Got pitbull questions? Just ask Mr. Pitbull. This dude seems to have all the latest knowledge on how to stud out your male dog, how to increase your pit’s muscle mass, how to stop your dog’s leash pulling with shock collars, how to stop your dog’s barking with shock collars, how to stop dog aggression with shock collar…Shock collars for everyone. Including his web designer.
Said web designer was probably also the maker of this Photoshop collage format (a popular among pitbull breeders, apparently). :
Oh C’mon! Should we talk about the massive co….er… elephant in the room? Or should we just pretend like this never, ever, ever happened. By “this,” I mean this site, which welcomes us in with this image:
It’s just like the time you let your pit have a lick of your vanilla ice cream cone with rainbow sprinkles. Remember that? And you ate the whole thing, dog germs and all. Yeah, I think we’ll just pretend none of this ever happened. Here, you can enjoy a video tour of the kennel:
Pitfall Kennels in Georgia: Where the fabulously rich and famous (think 50 Cent and Serana Wiiliams) go to do a little pitbull shopping. According to the rapper and kennel co-founder, Big Boi, if you haven’t heard of Pitfall Kennels then you’ve been living under a rock somewhere, eating worms and avoiding the glorious heat of the sun. Or maybe you get your Pitbulls from your friendly neighborhood animal shelter? Crazy, right? Here, some of their current pups:
I have it on good authority that Vito Corleone was allergic to dogs. The man couldn’t go within a mile of a dog without breaking into violent fits of sneezing. Take the cannoli, leave the Sudafed. So seeing him stroke a pittie pup is not only implausible, but downright unnerving.
Give that man a cat for pete’s sake. No offense to cat lovers, but we all know they’re the real friends of the bad guys (Dr. Evil’s Mr. Bigglesworth, Dr. Claw’s Mad C.A.T… need I go on?)
What happens when a pitbull puts out an ad on Craigslist looking for a few talented canine musicians to form a band? Maybe Rock “n” Roll is reborn. Maybe Springsteen weeps because their music is so damned good. Maybe (if you’re like me) you start laughing uncontrollably and splurt out the coconut water you were drinking while looking at this site.
Best part: their video of a dog opening a car window in the most Hard Rock way. Please watch? Pleaaaaaaase! Let’s share this moment together.
September 15, 2012 12:38 pm
To this obviously bored author, maybe since all of these Pitbulls your talking about that are in shelters you should use your time more wisely. You call yourself trainer…then go train something. No asked or appreciates your opinion on our websites. I didn’t until now want to track down every cruddy writer and blast her boring literature. Go have an intense telepathathic discussion with your peanut butter or whatever and stay out of peoples business. No ones interested in your opinion. Thanks
P.s I guess this is what ugly people do. Ugh!
January 3, 2013 9:59 am
This article was very helpful to me!
Thank you for writing it.
February 7, 2013 10:55 pm
There’s a special place in hell for you and all of your fellow “breeders,” Ivan Price. No one asked for your cruelty or for you to contribute to the overpopulation, dog fighting, abuse, neglect, mistreatment, or bad image of these wonderful dogs.
November 19, 2012 8:50 pm
Don’t forget cancer infested inbred lines of bossy kennels. A owner of no brains or moral scruples breeding dogs barely a year old. Pump them out before u get caught in your own bad blood apparently.( This is from personal expierance unfortunately for me. ) and many others who think they have healthy blood. Watch out when a breeder gets offended when u ask to speak to their vet. True cowardice.
Pardon my spelling skills
December 20, 2012 3:34 pm
Hey dumb ass, all you’re doing is boosting the traffic on their websites by posting links to them. If you were all about bashing on them and hurting their business, you can start by removing links that help with google rankings.